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Friday, October 20th, 2006
4:00 am - They're out there
and they're after me.

It's Trans-Pacific Radio. They've found me. They're coming to get me.

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Tuesday, January 28th, 2003
11:18 pm - Activity!
After lying low and quiet for several months, it appears that my evil mono-testicled twin half-brother captain_monaco is up to his old tricks again. Having snapped out of his alcoholic haze (which certainly will engulf him yet again), he now appears to be carousing with saints! Ha!

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Wednesday, October 2nd, 2002
5:54 pm - Why you cannot stop me
As a communist dictator, I own all and everything. I am the black hole, the space where pysics bends and contorts to my will. The populace, in undending demonstrations of humility and thankfulness, bow before me, erect statues in my honor and pray to my likeness. All favors are directed toward my benevolence, all acts come from my hand. I am beyond God; I have occupied the space left by his absence in the fabric of history.

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Saturday, August 24th, 2002
8:38 pm - On Successful Communist Rule
The job of being a Communist Dictator, which I hold, is not to be taken lightly. The oppression of the masses, which is for their own good and the advancement of their own liberty against the plutocratic enslavers, must be attented to at all waking hours. Press Management, Truth Adjustments and Pure Lies have been the hallmark of my reign as the Communist Dictator of the Heard and McDonald Islands. Previously, as the Communist Dictator of the People's Democratic Republic of Vermont, I headed the People's Liberation Army of Vermont, which enjoyed its greatest success at the Battle of Brattleboro, where we outflanked the capitalist forces of Pennsylvania and drove them back to their hills. The state press lauded me; I am the hero of Vermont for all ages. In order to secure my status as Supreme General of the People's Republican Armed Forces of the Hears and McDonald Islands, it is necessary at this time for me to utilze the low-cost labor of my people to erect a massive monument to myself, which shall detail all of my successes, both in times of peace and war.

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Tuesday, August 6th, 2002
4:52 pm
the heard and mcdonald island are now secure against foreign aggression stop

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Tuesday, June 11th, 2002
10:22 pm - I am unstoppable
I am unstoppable. I cannot be stopped. The force of my inertia is such that you cannot halt my advance. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I cannot be stopped.

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Tuesday, March 5th, 2002
10:37 pm
I am an unstoppable force of communism. None shall stand in my path.

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Tuesday, November 27th, 2001
3:19 am - High Crimes Against the Citizens of The People's Republic of the Heard and McDonald Islands
As a small-time communist dictator, I wear several hats. One of those headpieces resembles the non-existent battle helmet of the People's Liberation Army of the Heard and McDonald Islands (PLAHMI), which resembles a cross between the Pittsburgh Steelers' helmet and a beret.

When I wear this battle helmet, I conduct executions. In a sense, the battle helmet is my thinking cap. I think of crimes, then execute people for those crimes.

For example, this afternoon I witnessed a man exchange a consumer good for a cost that reflected an inflationary value of production resources. This man was instantly sentenced to death for having committed a High Crime Against the People's Republic of the Heard and McDonald Islands.

My people cheer, out of fear of being branded "silent supporters." The state-controlled press lauds me - today, tomorrow and forever.

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Friday, August 3rd, 2001
8:12 am - Precepts of Communist Rule
1. As in a capitalist society, freedom of the press must exist solely in illusion. However, in order to be successful, the Communist regieme must supress information through excessive central regulation. The capitalist plutocracy keeps its people ignorant by feeding them exciting stimuli that teach them nothing. As Communists, we present drab entertainment that always teaches while simultaneously glorifying the dictator.

2. Executions must be carried on with a enough regularity to assure that people become numb to any potential shock or feelings of pity. Furthermore, formal charges against the condemened must never be publicized. Rather, they should be given as, "High Crimes Against the Citizens of The People's Republic of the Heard and McDonald Islands."

3. Religion must be purged at all costs and replaced with the rule of rationalism and dialectic reasoning.

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Tuesday, July 24th, 2001
1:31 am - A Claim...
Someone claiming to be my mono-testicled evil twin half-bother has written to me. Of course, I do not lend any credence to this tale. I will continue to execute each officer of the Peoples's Liberation Army until we discover the truth!

The truth, of course, is that Captain Monaco, my mono-testicled evil twin half-brother, is still alive. Three officers have failed to provide the correct response to my inquiry and thus lie dead in steaming puddles of their own blood and feces.

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Saturday, July 21st, 2001
7:27 pm - A rumor
My comrade reports that my mono-testicled evil twin half brother, Captain Monaco, might be dead. This, of course, is news to me. I have not seen or spoken to my twin half-brother in nearly four years - not since he led the aborted "St. Patrick's Day Massacre" against my peace-loving, communist people of Rutland, Vermont.

Has he truly perished? Now is not a time to reflect upon mortality; it is a task better left to 19th century German Romantics, who are all dead. Still, tonight I shall raise my glass and drink a pint of vodka in memory of my twin half-brother. But, the other six pints will be for myself, Lenin, Orwell, Hoffa, Arthur Miller and Aristophanes.

Unfounded rumors cannot be tolerated! The truth must be sought out - preferably through a careful and deliberate process of dialectical deliberation. If this proves impossible, then each of our army's officers will be executed until we get to the bottom of this matter.

The Soviet Union of the Heard and McDonald Islands has no room for unfounded rumors, no matter how true they may be!

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Wednesday, July 18th, 2001
4:12 pm - A journey
It seems as though my evil twin half-brother, Captain Monaco, has been stirring up trouble. Moreover, he seems intent on making a journey to my part of the world. I have brought my iron fists to the Heard and McDonald Islands here in the Pacific Ocean.
And the Captain intends to sail for the Spice Islands, in search of "adventure!" Well, ha ha, he'll get some adventure all right...

current mood: Communistic

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Monday, July 16th, 2001
11:55 pm - Vermont
As the Communist Dictator of Vermont, I ruled with two iron fists, seven lords a leaping, one para-political-industrial military complex, eight thousand pages of stolen government documents, a gauntlet, fourteen credit cards, six airbourne casinos, nine uniformed Kazakisthani labor unions, sixteen wives...

and one evil twin half-brother who thinks he is Christopher Marlowe!!!

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